EPA Derails Hyperloop in Major Black Market Food Bust

Future Fake News - June 28, 2053

ALLENTOWN, PA — Yesterday morning EPA agents uncovered a black market operation importing illegal food items from the Republican States of America (RSA) into the Democratic States of America (DSA) via a hyperloop train. The haul was full of illicit animal products, including beef, chicken, bacon, raw milk, and eggs, plus crates of organic fruit and vegetables. There were over two full bitcoins worth of unauthorized food products (equal to about $2 million). Some bitcoin (also outlawed in the DSA because of its climate impact) was seized by EPA authorities as well. 

All animal products have been banned in the DSA since the invention of lab-grown meat made killing animals for food unnecessary. Faux-fruit and synth-vegetables are also more environmentally sustainable than their organically grown counterparts which consume enormous amounts of land and water, contributing to climate change and ecological disruption. All food products in the DSA must be made with carbon-neutral 3D printers using citizens’ free rationed supply of zero-waste Soygleen nutritional foodstuff. 

The food smugglers, comprised of citizens from both American countries, were denied extradition to the RSA. Instead, they will be sent to climate justice education facilities where they will learn why animal products are dangerous for both their health and the environment. Experts recommend Soygleen-based nutritional products over traditional food. Soygleen promotes a lean body and a green planet.