Mars Musketeers Win 2067 NBA Finals

Future Fake News - June 17, 2067

The Mars Musketeers defeated the Luna Rim Rockers 152-149 in game 7 Friday night to win the 2067 NBA Finals. Sheq O’Curry dunked a last-second buzzer-beating 4-pointer to clinch the game. The hometown Rim Rockers fans in attendance inside the moon-base bubble were left shell-shocked. Martian fans watching from home celebrated twelve minutes later due to the time delay of the live stream.

This was the first and only game the Musketeers managed to win on the road during the Finals, as they struggled to adapt to lunar gravity early in the series. O’Curry, the 7-foot sharpshooting cyborg gene-edited with Crispr to be a cross between Shaquille O’Neal and Stephen Curry, was named Finals MVP after scoring 58 points in the clinching game. His teammate, The Durantula, had 16 steals, one for each of his limbs.

Luna’s starting five all had triple-doubles in the losing effort. The Rim Rockers entire roster is composed of clones of LeBron James. When asked if they would consider shaking up the lineup next season with some other types of players, their coach, also a LeBron clone, said, “No.” The only other monoclone team in the league is the New Shanghai Sharks, composed of twelve 8-foot-tall Yao Mings. Michael Jordan’s DNA has been banned from competition by the NBA after the Charlotte Jordans went undefeated for six straight seasons.

This is the first franchise title for Musketeers owner X Æ A-Xii Musk who has announced a championship parade to take place in downtown Syrtis two months from now when the team arrives home from their Starship spaceflight. Mars will be well-equipped to defend their title next season as long-awaited hybrid clone Nuka Dunkic will finally reach the age of NBA eligibility.