This month’s swarm of Pfisanto Health-Hornets® has been deployed carrying a new and improved dose of beesvax™ to protect against the seasonal flu, the latest coronavirus strain, and dozens of other viral diseases. Make sure you and your loved ones spend at least one hour outside in short sleeves this week to ensure you get stung and become fully protected against Covid-39.
Health-Hornets® are bee-sized drones equipped with the latest array of mRNA vaccines recommended by the CDC. You do not need to seek out Health-Hornets®—they will fly to you. The robotic bugs are programmed to locate human flesh and inject you with their stingers containing H.O.N.E.Y. (Health Optimizing Nectar to Enhance You). Health-Hornets® have cameras with facial-recognition software to determine if you are up to date on your dosing. Best of all, beesvax™ stings are available to everyone in the world completely free of charge.
The conspiracy theory that “Hell-Hornets” contain nanobots designed to “infiltrate your bloodstream and reprogram your brain’s neurochemistry on a cellular level to make you more compliant” has been debunked as Russian disinformation intended to weaken Americans’ immune systems. The deaths falsely blamed on beesvax™ were accidents that resulted from people recklessly running away while trying to avoid being stung.
Health-Hornets® can reach maximum speeds of over 90 MPH—you cannot outrun them. If you hear the signature buzz of a bee drone, just stay still and let it sting you. You’ll barely feel a thing. In fact, H.O.N.E.Y. includes a synthetic compound derived from opioids, making Health-Hornet® stings feel semi-euphoric.
Please be advised that attempting to capture and/or take apart a Health-Hornet® is a class-A felony, and perpetrators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Health-Hornets® are property of Pfisanto, and anybody caught swatting one—either deliberately or inadvertently—will be held liable for damages.
Experts say Health-Hornets® are safe and effective. Have you gotten your June beesvax™ sting yet? You will…
[Full disclosure: Pfisanto is an investor in the parent company of this news organization.]