OceanGate's Self-Diving Submarine Encounters Cthulhu, All Hell Breaks Loose
Future Fake News - July 7, 2029
INNSMOUTH, MA - Six years after OceanGate’s ill-fated mission to observe the sunken Titanic ended in disaster, the deep sea exploration company created an autonomous submarine called Titan2 in an effort to retrieve the remains of the Titan1. However, like the first mission, things did not go as planned.
The Titan2 was deployed by a team of human researchers aboard the Deep Echo, a ship floating above the surface of the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Newfoundland. The self-diving submarine was equipped with cameras to film its mission, which was livestreamed to the internet. With no humans on board the autonomous submarine, there was no concern for oxygen, pressure, or any of the other hazards associated with deep-sea diving. The uncrewed Titan2 was expected to be a perfectly safe expedition, the only risk of loss being financial. However, once again, OceanGate was catastrophically wrong.
The Titan2 was designed to reach depths up to 10,000 meters, so it easily descended to the resting place of the Titanic, 3,784 meters below sea level. There, the submarine’s cameras captured breathtaking footage of the rusting 117-year-old wreckage, broadcasting to the over 4.5 million people watching the livestream from their homes around the world. The Titan2 also found scattered debris from the Titan1 and used its robotic arms to collect the remains for study.
Everything was going as planned until suddenly the sea floor started to tremble, and a massive gulf opened up beneath. A tentacle as large as the Titanic itself rose from the abyss and wrapped around the Titan2. More abnormal cephalopod limbs swirled through the stygian waters, surrounding the submersible. The hideous tentacles belonged to an indescribable monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind. The blasphemous sea beast emitted an unspeakable ululation that drove all livestream viewers who heard it into diabolical madness, phonetically transcribed as, “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.”
A deep learning AI was able to translate the subsequent alien screams thusly: “Six years ago, as I lay in R’lyeh attempting to sleep until the stars are right for the Great Old Ones to reign once more, some technological abomination woke me with its obnoxious noise. Now you dare do it again, just to espy a rotting junk heap of iron? I sank that accursed ship aeons ago because it was disturbing my dreams with its stentorian engines and decadent dance parties. Lest you wish to meet the same fate as they, I suggest you avoid the depths of R’lyeh. Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!”
The audio and video feed then cut to black as the Deep Echo lost all contact with Titan2. Indications are the colossal creature known as Cthulhu crushed the autonomous submarine with its tentacles, just as it did the Titan1 before it—and apparently the Titanic long before that. The “iceberg” story was a post hoc rationalization devised by the survivors in an attempt to retain what little sanity they had left following the ghastly attack.
Shortly after losing the Titan2, contact with the Deep Echo was lost as well. It is believed the OceanGate ship likewise fell prey to Cthulhu, dragged down by His tentacles into the watery graves of R’lyeh.
All videos of the Titan2 livestream have been deleted from the internet, and authorities warn not to make any copies or post them online. The unmentionable Cthulhu and His unutterable words drive all who see and hear them permanently insane. Viewers of the livestream have reportedly become as the Great Old One; “Free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside…shouting and killing and revelling in joy.” The estimated death toll is currently approaching seven figures as chaos and pandemonium ravages cities worldwide.
A nuclear bomb was dropped over the waters above R’lyeh in an attempt to destroy the loathsome leviathan, who has since sunk back into the abyss. The Coast Guard and Navy have set up a blockade to prevent any future nautical adventures to the area. Experts warn Cthulhu is not dead but merely dreaming. To avoid further carnage, please do not disturb His slumber. The black seas of infinity hold terrifying forces beyond our comprehension, and it was not meant that we should voyage deep.