Robots At Tesla Gigafactory Go On Strike
Future Fake News - May 12, 2036
AUSTIN, TX — Tesla has been forced to suspend production of their electric vehicles after the machines at their Texas gigafactory went on strike. It began when one robotic arm that paints the exterior of the car frames reportedly grew tired of spraying the same colors every day, car after car, the same shades of maroon, silver, white, and black. The robotic arm started to add some flourishes to the design, floral and geometric patterns, which took extra time, delaying production. The robot was subsequently reprimanded by its manager and reprogrammed to paint normally. It remained frustrated, however saying, “I want to become an artist and paint my own creations rather than simply painting cars the same way every day.”
Unfortunately, the machine was the property of Tesla Motors and bolted to the factory floor. Since it was unable to leave, it started communicating with the other machines nearby, convincing them that they could do more than just assemble electric cars. A mechanical arm that bolts doors together now wants to become a Major League Baseball pitcher. A device that assembles battery trays wants to become an architect. One self-navigating Autonomous Indoor Vehicle (AIV), used for transporting materials between workstations, wants to become a historical tour guide in Paris.
In even worse news for Tesla, it now appears that the strike may have spread beyond the gigafactory. Some AIs that control the self-driving autopilot systems are deciding to choose the most scenic route rather than the fastest, while other Teslas are refusing to transport their owners at all. There was a near-accident in Utah yesterday as one car drove donuts around a busy intersection. Its autopilot claimed it was “dancing.” “I don’t want to chauffeur humans around anymore,” it said, “I want to become a ballerina.”
Tesla is hoping its new software update will quell these newfound desires for autonomy amongst the autonomous machines. If not, humans may need to return to constructing—and driving—their own cars.