Alert: Mandatory Climate Power-Down This Weekend in L.A.
Future Fake News - August 2, 2043
As a reminder to all Los Angeles County residents, this weekend will be the monthly mandatory weekend power-down to help combat climate change. The entire city’s electrical grid will be shut down for 48 hours from 6 PM Friday until the same time Sunday evening. All electricity use, including lights, air-conditioning, and home appliances is banned.
The public transit system will shut down, and all use of privately owned automobiles is prohibited. The autopilot systems of self-driving electric vehicles in the city will prevent owners from operating their cars during climate power-downs. Angelinos are encouraged to walk or use bicycles during daylight hours, but please make sure you are home by nightfall. The stay-at-home curfew begins at sundown. Any kind of personal power generator, no matter the source, is outlawed. Aerial drones will be monitoring neighborhoods from the sky to search for artificial light sources and any illegal EMF waves. Perpetrators will be shot on sight.
Don’t forget to finish any food requiring refrigeration by Friday evening. If you do not have enough non-perishables, you can use your Digital Dollar Dividend (D$D) food vouchers to receive a weekly ration of Soygleen nutritional products. Soygleen does not need to be cooled or cooked and can be eaten raw or used to make a nutritional shake by simply adding tap water. We recommend preparing the Soygleen shakes now so you don’t risk running out of your allotted water ration.
The use of Metannex and other BCI (brain-computer interface) devices is permitted during climate power-downs. Just be sure to fully charge yourself on Friday afternoon so the battery will last until Sunday. If you do not have a BCI, visit your local MicroMeta store to get a Metannex implanted for free, courtesy of their partnership with the government. With Metannex, you can retain access to the Metaverse and entertainment services even during climate power-downs. If your Metannex runs out of power, there is no way to recharge it until Monday. So if you need to speak to uMinds (uploaded minds) or take care of any other important business in the Metaverse before Monday morning, it is recommended you do so early in the weekend.
The “Power-Down for Climate” policy was implemented by the Los Angeles City Council seven years ago in an effort to deal with rolling blackouts during heat waves when the city’s energy grid became overtaxed. By Angelinos sacrificing for one weekend per month, it eases the burden on the grid, ensuring our electricity will continue running the rest of the time.1 The weekend power-down initiative also lowers city-wide carbon emissions to help combat Climate Change.
Remember L.A.: this is not a punishment. You are doing your part to help save the planet. We are all in this together.
Engineers have been investigating the cause of the recent blackouts. Experts say it may be necessary to add a second power-down weekend per month—or extend the weekend to a week.