MrBeast Buys North Carolina, Establishes Benevolent Dictatorship
Future Fake News - April 23, 2037
MrBeast has finalized a deal with the United States government to purchase the state of North Carolina. The popular YouTuber, whose real name is Jimmy Donaldson, will become the benevolent dictator for life of the sovereign nation that will now be known as “Beastolina.”
Exact details of the sale are currently unknown, but it is believed to be in the low thirteen figures. MrBeast was able to pry the state from the US as the federal government tries to alleviate its escalating national debt.
MrBeast already has big plans in store for his new country. There will be no taxes in Beastolina. Instead, the entire government will be funded by revenue from MrBeast’s YouTube videos, as well as “BeastCard” fees paid by new citizens who immigrate to the nation. If the startup state is successful, Beastolina may expand by annexing South Carolina. (The US government is in desperate need of the money.)
BeastCards are currently priced at $1 million each. But some legacy North Carolina residents who want no part of the Beastolina experience are selling their citizenship on the open market for upwards of $20 million.
Every citizen receives a guaranteed Universal Beastolinan Income (UBI) in the form of “BeastBucks,” and gains access to free food through the “Feastables” program. BeastBurger employees and other essential service jobs are performed by BeastBots, robots designed by Boston Dynamics to look like the blue wildcat from the MrBeast logo.
In exchange for their welfare benefits, Beastolina citizens are required to assist in creating MrBeast’s YouTube videos, either by participating in the challenges on camera or working behind the scenes.
The first official Beastolina video was a full-scale Civil War re-enactment using Nerf muskets and water balloon cannons filled with green slime. Other planned videos include Beastolinans traversing the world’s largest maze spanning the entire geography of the state, playing a giant game of tag in a zero-gravity space station in orbit above Beastolina, and a massive statewide treasure hunt with millions of participants searching for a buried thumb drive containing 100 Bitcoins.
The establishment of Beastolina has sparked a wave of interest among other influencers to create their own “network states” in real life. PewDiePie is in the process of purchasing Sweden, the Kardashians are negotiating for control of a portion of southern California, Taylor Swift is eying Aquidneck Island from Rhode Island, and the Paul brothers are locked in a bidding war for the entire state of Idaho.
There are already over 200 million people on the BeastCard waiting list hoping to immigrate to Beastolina. Access is currently restricted to loyal subscribers to MrBeast’s YouTube channel. His number of subscribers recently surpassed 1.2 billion after announcing that the billionth subscriber would receive a free BeastCard.
MrBeast has also created a video competition to choose his next citizens. Contestants must stand with at least one hand touching the Beastolina border wall, and the last 500 remaining will be granted residency. After starting with 400,000 people, a week later that number has been cut in half. Many of the hopeful citizens plan to stay glued to the wall for months—maybe even years—willing to do whatever it takes to become a Beastolinan.
