NASHVILLE, TN — The Minnesota Vikings defeated the Kansas City Chiefs 51-44 on Sunday night to win Super Bowl LXXXIX. However, the game has become embroiled in controversy after a technical glitch within the smart-stadium’s network caused a holographic AI projection of Taylor Swift to appear during a critical play in the fourth quarter.
The “Hologate” saga is unfortunate because the game leading up to that moment was nothing short of enchanted. The Chiefs were led by their timeless quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, now 65, but with the physical health of a player half that age thanks to breakthroughs in regenerative medicine. The rest of the Chiefs’ roster was bolstered by genetically engineered clones of the franchise’s best players, including a speedy Jamaal Charles at running back, dual tight end clones of Travis Kelce and Tony Gonzalez, plus three TyGonz hybrids at wide receiver, genetic splices of Tyreek Hill1 and Tony Gonzalez. The entire Chiefs defense was composed of eleven fearless Derrick Thomas clones.
The Vikings, meanwhile, were led at QB by Fraunte Tarpepper, a hybrid of Fran Tarkenton and Daunte Culpepper. At running back was the two-headed monster of AP2.1 and AP2.2. Two are better than one, so the Adrian Peterson clones split time to stay fresh. At wide receiver (and cornerback on defense) were an array of genetic hybrids combining the DNA of Randy Moss, Chris Carter, and Justin Jefferson.
The game was played at Swift Stadium in Nashville, Tennessee, built when Titans owner Taylor Swift purchased the franchise in 2051. Swift had shown little interest in football since divorcing former NFL player Travis Kelce. However, the pop star put in a bid to acquire the Titans shortly after Kelce sold an NFT of his genetic sequence to the Chiefs and took a partial ownership stake in the franchise. Kansas City announced they would fast-track production of the Kelce clones and employ them at tight end as soon as possible. This has led some to speculate that Swift bought the Titans purely out of spite for her ex.
Taylor Swift’s Titans (led by her son Archer Swift at quarterback) fell to the London Jaguars in the divisional round of the playoffs, spoiling a potential matchup with Kelce’s Chiefs in the conference championship. The Chiefs beat the Vegas Raiders (composed entirely of Bo Jackson clones) then the New England Patriots, en route to their Super Bowl matchup with Minnesota. The Mahomes-led Chiefs were considered the last great American dynasty in the NFL, while the Vikings were still searching for their elusive first championship. The last time the two teams met in the regular season, the Chiefs won a delicate nail-biter, 17 to 15.
Super Bowl LXXXIX had a sellout crowd of seven million in the new state-of-the-art smart-stadium in Nashville, where Taylor Swift announced she would be performing at the halftime show, along with 30 AI holograms of herself representing each era of her musical career. The game was exciting right from the kickoff with a quick touchdown from Dante “the GMO Joystick” Hall, who was practically untouchable on kick returns. The Chiefs’ defense clogged up the rushing lanes of AP2.1 and AP2.2, who claimed, “Something about the genetically-engineered bones of the D.T. clones hits different.” Meanwhile Minnesota defenders looked like they were dancing with their hands tied as they repeatedly missed tackles of TyGonz1 and TyGonz2, each of whom scored touchdowns.
The Vikings were down bad at the half, 22-3, a situation they knew all too well. It looked like it would be deja vu all over again with another Kansas City Super Bowl win. But the Chiefs weren’t out of the woods yet. During Taylor Swift’s spectacular halftime show, the Vikings must have performed some alchemy in the locker room because a whole new game seemed to begin again in the second half between entirely different teams.
The normally laser-accurate Mahomes struggled with off-target passes to his receivers, while the previously erratic Tarpepper found an electric touch as he tossed gorgeous spiral after gorgeous spiral, connecting with Rusty Jeffermoss and Jandy Mosserson for back-to-back touchdowns. That’s when the tides seemed to change. Late in the third quarter, while Kelce2.0 was on a clear run toward the end zone, he stopped to jump then fall—seemingly for no reason. Then, after a turnover on downs, AP2.2 looked like Superman while rushing for a 38-yard touchdown.
The game went back and forth until late in the fourth quarter when it was all tied at 44. At the two-minute warning, Kansas City was in the red zone and in prime position to take the lead. Mahomes threaded a pass through a sliver of daylight to his favorite target, Kelce2.0, who managed to break free from the coverage all over him in the end zone. Yet the ball flew right by his hands and was intercepted by cornerback Chrandell Mosser, who proceeded to return it all the way 105 yards for a touchdown. The Vikings made the extra point to take a seven-point lead, 51-44.
Superstar quarterback Patrick Mahomes could not wallow in the would’ve, could’ve, should’ve of the unfortunate interception. There was a minute left. He still had time to shake it off and drive his team down the field to score a quick touchdown and send the game into overtime.
The Chiefs appeared to be about to do just that when Kelce2.0 broke free on the outside with an open route to the end zone. A perfect pass from Mahomes sailed toward Kelce2.0 with his eyes open, prepared to catch the surefire touchdown. That was until two Taylor Swift holograms from the halftime show materialized. One life-size Swift flashed onto the field while another hologram appeared bigger than the whole sky. The bejeweled afterglow images of his former lover haunted Kelce2.0 like beautiful ghosts, causing him to drop the pass.
The Chiefs failed to convert on fourth down, and the game ended with a Vikings victory, their first Super Bowl win in franchise history.
Fraunte Tarpepper was named the MVP. “Today was a fairytale,” he said in his emotional post-game speech. “After such a cruel summer, I didn’t think we’d make it here. I can’t describe the happiness I’m feeling right now. Never in my wildest dreams did I think this could happen.”
“That was sweeter than fiction,” said AP2.1 who was wearing an eye patch at the press conference after some champagne problems during the locker room celebration. “It’s time to go to Disneyworld!”
“This was the best day of my life,” said Rusty Jeffermoss. “I’ll remember it forever and always.”
However, the outcome of the game has been called into question by some football fans. Chiefs supporters believe the hologram was deployed on purpose by Taylor Swift to help the Vikings win. But it gets even crazier. After analyzing the game footage, Kansas City head coach AI-Reid, an artificial intelligence based on the mind of Andy Reid infused with advanced analytics, claimed that a mirrorball was the cause of many of the Chiefs’ dropped passes. Mirrorballs project a duplicate mirror image of the football while it is in the air, so the receiver doesn’t know which one is real. This likely led to that crucial interception intended for Kelce2.0 in the fourth quarter.
When Taylor Swift was caught on camera in her private suite cheering for Minnesota during the game, some Kansas City fans began to theorize that she deliberately tampered with the smart-stadium to get revenge on the clone of her ex-husband.
“Don’t blame me,” Swift said. “I’m innocent.” She insists the hologram was an accidental tech glitch that she had nothing to do with. Swift holds no bad blood toward Kelce2.0, saying, “I forgot that you existed.” He wasn’t the reason she was cheering for the Vikings. “I just like their purple uniforms.” She reportedly doesn’t dress in red anymore.
But some Chiefs fans are not buying it. A Twitter user named @ivyLabyrinth uncovered possible evidence against Taylor Swift. “The moment I knew something was wrong was when Kelce2.0 fell in the third quarter,” ivyLabyrinth posted in a thread. “I zoomed in and noticed a sudden growth of grass on the smartfield caused him to trip. The true epiphany happened when I arranged the titles of the songs Taylor Swift sang at halftime in order: I Knew You Were Trouble, End Game, Glitch, I Can See You, Look What You Made Me Do, I Did Something Bad, Vigilante Shit, Guilty as Sin?, Karma, Better than Revenge, and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. Her set list was a premeditated confession to the crime!” Hologate conspiracy theorists believe Swift’s entire halftime performance was a veiled subtweet designed to taunt her ex, Travis Kelce.
There also seemed to be some odd shifts and cavities in the smartfield surface during Mosser’s epic 105-yard touchdown run, preventing Chiefs players from getting close enough to tackle him. AI-Reid has filed a formal complaint to the league commissioner, and the Chiefs are protesting the outcome of the game, demanding an investigation be launched into the alleged Hologate cheating scandal.
“Taylor Swift’s treacherous meddling is an affront to the integrity of the game of football,” AI-Reid exclaimed in a heated post-game rant. “She’s a mean, mad woman—the mastermind of a hoax—and we will not tolerate it!”
Even the original Travis Kelce weighed in on the matter, releasing a public message to Taylor Swift. “Babe, I know you and I had our problems, call it what you want, but the fault was mine. Please don’t take it out on my clones. They never did anything to hurt you.”
A swarm of Swifties has risen to defend Taylor’s honor by ruthlessly attacking Hologaters online. Swifties are devoted Taylor Swift fans with extreme loyalty to the pop icon. In fact, some have speculated that Taylor Swift might not have been involved in the Super Bowl cheating scandal at all, and it was actually a renegade fan who orchestrated the glitches targeted toward Kelce2.0. Swifties hate Kelce1.0 for breaking Taylor’s heart—though they love the album she made about the breakup, Needle Drop 87.
Then there are the more conspiratorial types who believe Swift’s songs use subliminal mind-control techniques to brainwash listeners into doing her bidding. Long story short, the music may have programed her fans like robots to hack into the smart-stadium’s network and sabotage Kelce2.0. Others think no human was involved in the Super Bowl “glitches” at all, and the AI hologram of Taylor Swift became self-aware, acting with a mind of its own. Or perhaps the AI simply fell prey to her hypnotic tunes.
Taylor Swift continues to dismiss all of the Hologate allegations as deranged conspiracy theories from haters and sore losers. “I should have said no to performing at the halftime show,” she said, “but so it goes... I wish you would stop harassing me. You need to calm down. No body, no crime.”
The Orlando Dolphins retain the exclusive rights to pure Tyreek Hill clones.