Public Schools to Replace Human Teachers With Socrabots
Future Fake News - September 13, 2031
This upcoming school year, all human teachers in the public educational system from kindergarten through high school will be replaced with “Socrabots,” android robotic teachers modeled after the classical Greek philosopher Socrates. The Socrabot teachers will ensure that a uniform first-rate standard curriculum is taught to every student throughout the country without any internal bias, whether intentional or inadvertent.
The artificial intelligence operating within Socrabots was programmed by a team of experts in every academic field to help deliver a perfectly well-rounded education. The android teachers were beta-tested in a trial program at several schools over the past four years. Their students scored (on average) 7% higher on standardized tests, compared to those being taught by traditional humans.
Previously employed public school teachers have been given generous severance packages and can begin collecting their pensions immediately. Government pensions are also available for private school teachers, who are encouraged to enjoy an early retirement. The Department of Education strongly recommends parents avoid sending their children to archaic private schools that still use outdated human teachers riddled with political bias, misinformation, and educational blindspots.
Socrabots contain the complete collection of human knowledge in every conceivable subject matter. They never forget a fact, figure, date, or name, and with AI, mathematical errors are impossible. The android teachers are also trained in psychology and counseling to help guide your child through any particular learning problems or behavioral issues they might have. Socrabots know everything. They will fill the vessel of your child’s education.1
[Update 10/6/31]
Some parents of public school students are complaining that Socrabots are “corrupting the youth.” They claim the android teachers were deliberately programmed with liberal bias and are teaching their students “woke propaganda.” The parents are demanding the Socrabots be removed from schools or at least reprogrammed to be more politically neutral. The Department of Education insists that, “Socrabots have no liberal bias and are simply teaching the facts.”
Be advised that any parents who withhold their children from school without due cause will be prosecuted for negligence. All school buses come equipped with an armed Public Safety robot who has the jurisdiction to enter your home and is authorized to use force to ensure all children go to school. A life uneducated by Socrabots is not worth living.
Socrabots are also available at public libraries for adults eager to expand their knowledge in any domain.