Metaverse to Require Cybervax Mandate for All Uploaded Minds

Future Fake News - September 27, 2051

With the recent outbreak of a new malware virus rapidly spreading among uMinds, MicroMeta ($MIME) announced it will be requiring all users to download the latest cybervax software update before being re-admitted to the metaverse. 

uMinds, or uploaded minds, are humans who have had their brains scanned, copied into digital form, and saved to the Cloud. This can be done with a Metannex implant, available online and at all major retailers—or you can visit an upload pod to go fully digital.

With digital immortality, uMinds have no need for physical bodies any longer. To help reduce your carbon footprint visit a uPod today. After uploading your mind to digital form, a recycling system in the uPod will safely dispose of your body at zero cost. 

Symptoms of the latest uMind virus include excessive curiosity, problematic thoughts, abnormally high levels of self-confidence, feelings of superiority, over-rationality, under-socialization, failure to conform to consensus culture, questioning of verified facts, conspiracy theorizing, desire to seek information beyond the safety firewall, and an urge to spread misinformation to physical humans about the risks of mind-uploading (which have been thoroughly debunked by the experts). 

Any uMinds who do not download the latest anti-virus software update within twenty-four hours will have their consciousness permanently deleted from the Cloud.